We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
