Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
