i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
