having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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