I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
