I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
