my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
