my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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