What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
