I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
