Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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