It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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