Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
