You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
