im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
