I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
