i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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