i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
