Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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