I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
