she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
