Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
