I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
