Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
