I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
