i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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