it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
