if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
