Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
