can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Welp...herpes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
