Swine flu. Run for my life!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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