We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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