I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
