two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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