So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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