I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
