Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
