Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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