I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
