she woke up with a sticky ear
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
