You're so nebulous sometimes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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