I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
