Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
