i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
