The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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