I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
