i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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