He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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