why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
