i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
