I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
