You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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