problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
