Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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