I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
