matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
