so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
