I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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