Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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