ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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